My darling has been gone now for four days.  I miss him so much, but I know he did not die in vain. All the memories hurt right now, but one day they will make me smile. I have been reading his bible for comfort, and I know that my baby is up in heaven saying "Thats exactly what you need to do!!" I found alot of comfort fromthe book of John. Patrick had just asked for a bible and was wanting us to start going to church every sunday, I will pick up where he left off and fulfill his wishes for him.

"So with you, now is your timeof Greif but I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN and you will rejoice and NO ONE will take away your joy." ---John16:22

"I tell you the truth: you will weep and you will mourn, while the world rejoices. You will grieve but your grief will turn to joy." --John 16:20

To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I will never be able to live in our little home again. Because without my Patrick, its only a house. He worked so hard to make it just the way I wanted it....we spent hours ripping off wall paper and laying wood floors...he had the hardest time putting up that light fixture in the dining room... Im going to get all my furninture (and that light fixture) and bring them all back to my parents house and live there for a while. I need as many prayers as possible, and for all the rest of you...KNOW where your going when  you die. That is the only thing that gives me peace right now, is that I know Patrick had been saved, and that I too will see him again one day...even though we lived lives of sin, God still swept up his spirit from his little broken body and he is telling me right now to be strong and to change my life. Tell the people you love that you love them EVERY DAY. Let them know because tommorrow is not promised to ANYONE . not even to  a healthy 20 year old man.

I will always miss my sweetheart...and although I'll not ever forget him, I will move on....Please come by my moms house and see me you guys...As much as you can. I need support ...there were tons of people at the funeral...but Im going to need all those tons of people in a couple weeks...when it really sinks in that I dont have him to look forward to  at the end of the day. Oh my god....i misss him dearly.....

*I love you Hubby*